Have you ever gripped a thread so tight that you do not wish to let go even after it starts hurting you? For both the physical and emotional threads, these lines have similar implications. What I am trying to refer here are the tender threads that run through intricate friendship ties between humans.
I have been holding on to some things for a long time and was under the notion that no matter what happens, I would never let go of them. But with all the bleeding, you will have to let some things go eventually. You have to do it, not because you want to.
With these people, who now are no more than strangers, I have shared some of my most treasured and purest friendships. However, I was unable to persuade them to feel the same way. I clung to those strands in the hopes that someday they would see the true, innocuous side of me. Perhaps they saw it and chose to give up nevertheless. Maybe they did not, and they still believe I am the person they say I am. We will never know, I suppose.
On the surface, they think of me as a moron who does not think much about people, human relationships, or attachments in general. The thick coconut-shelled casing is all they perceive, not the soft fruit and juice of emotions hiding inside. But the truth is that I do treasure those feelings, those weak, fragile relationships, and attachments that require extreme caution to avoid breaking. They kept falling out of my grasp and breaking, but that did not mean I wanted things to proceed that way. I… just… messed up every damn time.
But how long can individuals continue to forgive? How much longer can they hold on? They will eventually and surely abandon you. They are not to blame. It’s not your fault either.
SITUATIONS. They bear responsibility for everything.
But now comes the dilemma of how to cope with it. Everyone has an own unique manner of doing things. Music is where I strive to find calm and consolation. There are tunes that take you back to those terrifying memories while also assisting you in healing by halting the bleeding heart.
Familiar Strangers by Amrita Soon is one such song that stands out in my melodramatic playlist.
December, December I gave you all I could But you took so much more Than I ever thought you would
I guess you live and you learn And you learn not to trust no one And that’s how it goes That’s how you lose everyone
On a personal front, not just the meaning but also the scripted details make this song much dearer to me. It was December. We used to work together to maintain our friendship. Having such a selfless link between spirits seemed too lovely to be true. When I started taking it for granted, I did not even realize it. I stepped beyond a line that I should not have. That was the final word. Though our friendship continued, we became strangers.
And I was so afraid to let you know How much I cared Now we’re just familiar strangers Pretending we’ve never met
Maybe being afraid of losing it was the right line of thinking. Perhaps not telling how much you cared and still do was the right call. They might not have given up on you then. But now, you two are just familiar strangers. And all you do is pretend, pretend that you do not share any history, any past.
Maybe I knew you Or maybe I did not With your arms around her I’ll keep my heart in a box
After you fall out of love You will learn not to feel at all Oh I’m a machine All my feelings are gone
Looking back, you are not sure if you even knew who they were. You believe you did. You were both really outspoken about everything. Maybe it was all in your thoughts or maybe, it was just quiet turmoil surrounded by loud conversations. Now you have no feelings for anyone and are unaffected by everything. That is how you became apath-etic. That is how you feel when it comes to all emotions.
And I just want to know Do you think about me? When you’re sitting all alone Do you think about me? When you’re walking down the street Where we used to meet Do you think of me?
The lines. After all that you two have been through, do they still think about you? Do they still care? Do they still want to revive what you had?
Cause you certainly DO.
When you’re sitting all alone, you think about them. When you’re walking down the street, you think about them. The awkward little meets, you think about them. But do they think about you?
I was so afraid to let you know How much I cared Now we’re just familiar strangers Pretending we’ve never met
I was so afraid to let you know Why I cared Now we’re just familiar strangers Pretending we’ve never met
You would give everything to get back what you had. After breaking countless promises, you are here again making another promise, asking for forgiveness.
I promise that this time, I won’t cross any line. I promise that this time, everything will be fine. I promise I won’t make you frown. I promise I won’t let you down.
We all begin as strangers and occasionally finish up as such. But can we return to our former selves? I have a question for you, familiar stranger.
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